Why is it so hard to be naked around you?
Why is it so hard to be naked around you?
“Go out in the woods, go out. If you don’t go out in the woods nothing will ever happen and your life will never begin.” -CLARISSA PINKOLA ESTÉS
Well, I don’t know if I have been out in the woods that often, but I have certainly gone out into the unknown, alone. I get asked that a lot “Why do you travel alone?”, well, why not?
Most of the times, I’d rather go solo because I prefer to be on my own schedule and not have to wait for anyone to wake up or finish their meal or pick up the pace; ‘cause I walk quite fast and can go on for hours and have no patience when it comes to waiting. I can’t stand having to sit down and rest when there’s a whole new place to explore. Or the classic “we need to stop to eat” ugh… you can always eat later, why stop now when there’s still a lot to be discovered?
Other times, I just want to disappear; become a “nobody” and experience the void. I want to feel courageous and disregard the fear that society inflicts on us with the typical “Be careful, you’re a woman” speech. What does that mean? That because I’m a girl I can’t go anywhere without supervision? These warnings just plant a seed of panic in a woman’s brain, accusing her of being weak or stupid or careless should she dared cross the white picket fence. So I’m supposed to cancel my dream of exploring Asia just because women should not venture unaccompanied? …Ain’t nobody limiting me.
All girls can and should travel alone at least once in their life. It is magnificent: to be able to walk into an unfamiliar place, by yourself only; #foreveralone – all curious and bold, just guided by the power of your 2 feet… smelling, tasting, observing, listening without someone else’s influence or distraction; leaving you and your thoughts genuine and unaltered; #yosolitamama – I’m telling you, it’s glorious.
I took this photo in Valladolid. I woke up that day, felt like disconnecting myself from Tulum; so I went to the bus station, bought a ticket, went for a round trip and told no one about it. It was a very good day.
I keep forgetting why I started…
but anyway I keep going,
and then a long the way,
I loose it.
I forget it.
So I have to start all over…
and keep going and searching and trying and experimenting and discovering…
until it happens again.
What am I doing?
Why am I doing it?
And that is the cycle of my life.
This photo was taken in San Miguel de Allende during last summer. I spent an entire day walking all over town, on my own; trying to listen to my inner voice (voices actually); trying to connect with myself and my path while at the same time observing people just being “people”… everyone just existing. How can they smile so easily? How can they pace themselves so peacefully? How can they just sit on that bench in front of that church eating an ice cream cone from the heladero and call it happiness?
How can they accomplish all of that and I can’t? I keep forgetting…
(Disclosure: I wrote this on January 1st, 2020).
Today was my first yoga practice of the year 2020. It felt funny to do yoga while I could hear everyone outside still partying at 3-ish a.m. Vinyasa with música de banda in the background, not so cool. I was waking up to start living my day while they had not even been to bed yet.
Truth is I don’t really care about celebrating New Year’s Eve or any other holiday/festivity in any shape or form. It’s been 7 years since I had a “classic” Christmas family celebration, and though it may seem sad for some, I don’t really notice it. I don’t think I need a specific date to commemorate the love for my family, or my friends or my love partner if there was any –like on Valentine’s day- Sure! It would be nice to do it at the same time as the rest of the world as accustomed but I’d rather do it in my own time on my own terms, because that’s the way I roll about everything I do.
I like my house systematized the way I find it more accessible for me; I like the clothes in my closet to be organized by color; I like to order food at restaurants the way I like my food on my plate even if I always ask for things that are NEVER in the menu (oopsy); me gusta lo que me gusta como me gusta; if that makes me picky or a freak, OK.
All I know is next time I go visit my hometown, whether it is February or April or June; I will feel as it is Christmas and New Year and Mother’s day and Father’s day and their birthdays all together at once. Because those are just dates someone else chose to be celebrated for a certain purpose; well I’m choosing my own dates too and if I wanna have Christmas in May and New Year in the middle of July, I’m gonna. Mom and Dad you better not take down that X-mas tree for when I get there in a couple of months.
Easier said than done, right?
But why? Shouldn’t it be as simple as a blink of an eye? Maybe for some it is; for others, isn’t. It’s not like everyday you get to do what you REALLY love to do. Sure, life isn’t all rainbows and butterflies 24/7 but couldn’t it be?
I bet it can and it should. The problem is we don’t make the time for us to do those things we enjoy. We were trained to wake up and rush our bodies into jobs for 9-5 hour shifts (for most) and then spend another hour stuck in traffic trying to get home and by then we are too tired to do things we might actually really appreciate, so we call it a day.
I applaud people that hit the gym after a long day at work around 9pm; or the single working moms or those unlucky bastards that ALWAYS have the worst things happening to them and still, they have a smile on their face. We all have one friend like that. #yuyin
But some other individuals go all day complaining about everything; even their own existence bothers them and can’t seem to find a thing that would get them into a good mood. I used to be one of them; and I still get like that from time to time. For us, when we finally experience a moment of joy, we immediately feel guilty and over-analyze it, question it, challenge it until we manage to ruin it with our criticism, low self-esteem and negativity. We are our own enemy.
Fortunately, I have learned a thing or two and now I am more focused into not letting those little instants of happiness get out of my hands. Now, I make them happen, daily.
I don’t think being happy is something you go and find, I think it grows from you. I mean, folks assume that just because I live in Tulum I’m cheerful as fuck and all joie de vivre on point, but nah-ah… It doesn’t come that easy for me just by residing at this beach town. I could be living in Disneyland and still manage to be depressed because I am ME. But that’s why I now make it a priority to do those things that make me happy every single day…like yoga, riding a bicycle, going to the beach super early when no one is around because people ugh guacala… (sorry but true); drawing, sewing, cooking, and of course, la pièce de résistance: browsing through memes on IG at night before I go to sleep, those things sure crack me up.
So here’s to another year, and to my 2020 resolution: doing MORE things that make me happy. Cheers!
If I had a penny for every time I‘ve heard that statement…. You’re not flexible? yeah, well duh! That’s why you go to yoga!
Of course being flexible comes differently for each person; flexibility is determined by our muscles and our bones; and we all have bodies that are capable of different things; some people are able to touch their toes while others are able to lift themselves up from the ground with just one hand; the important thing is to work with what YOU have got.
Now, this does not mean you will never be able to see changes in your elasticity. We ARE able to improve our flexibility and mobility by stretching regularly; however, we don’t have control over the shape of our bones. Our bodies are unique in so many ways, and our skeleton is no exception. Some people have deep hip sockets and others more shallow ones or tighter hamstrings for that matter; whatever the reason is preventing you from touching your toes or the floor or putting your foot on your head while you backbend standing up; it’s OK! Just keep working on YOU and your postures. Listen to your body, pay attention to you teacher for better alignment tips and guidance while reaching into poses; use blocks and props, take longer warm-ups, do what you need to do but please don’t stop practicing, don’t give up on yoga.
A lot of people think it came easy for me when they see me all bendy effortlessly, truth is I was born twisted as a pretzel because I have been this flexy since I can remember, so yeah maybe I was “lucky” in that department but it doesn’t mean my practice is easy, only these poses are. But what about the chaturangas and handstands and arm balances; there is a lot I still CANNOT do and don’t know if I will ever be capable of doing, BUT I keep hopping on my mat every day don’t I? Heck yes I DO, and btw, it took me THREE YEARS to be able to do a chaturanga without putting my knees on the floor, so don’t tell me yoga is a piece of cake to me; and don’t get me started on meditation ‘cause silencing my mind is something I have not yet figured out. But I keep trying. And so should you.
Ain’t no such thing as not being good at yoga. If you’re not interested in yoga, that’s fine, but don’t use the “not being flexible enough” as an excuse. I’m not positive or cheerful or enlightened enough to be a yoga instructor, but here I am, aren’t I?
There are so many things constantly trending in this fast paced “wellness world”, information changes daily and sometimes it’s hard to keep up; but I find it better to stick with what it works for MY body: whole, rich super foods.
From adaptogens to seeds to powders, there are dozens of ways to upgrade your cupboard, and max out your Visa while doing it. But you know what, it’s worth it. I don’t understand how people would rather spend $30USD worth of beer and chips instead of a single pouch of goji berries priced the same. When it comes to taking care of my health, I splurge, even if Gypsea Market’s bill tends to be more than a week’s rent. (tofu mayo!)
But what are “superfoods” anyway? The term is fairly new referring to foods that offer maximum nutritional benefits for minimal calories. They’re packed with vitamins, minerals and antioxidants. AND guess what, they’re mostly plant-based. Are you still making fun of us vegans? -“Where do you get your strength from?” ugh.-
In a way, superfoods are my superpower, they help my body perform its absolute best and keep it strong. My favorite way to eat them is through smoothie bowls. I believe I wasted an entire life having just cereal for breakfast in the mornings, what was I thinking? Qué eran las mañanas antes de los smoothie bowls?
There are a lot of superfoods you can pour into your daily meals that will give you superpowers, seriously; like super immunity, vision, muscles, energy; the list goes on. I really suggest next time you go grocery shopping to swap that second bottle of rosé in your cart for maca powder, acai berries, spirulina or better yet, cashews! I don’t know you but I prefer to spend money on nuts than clothes. And if you’re on a budget, there are still plenty of affordable, classic superfoods such as fruits, leafy greens (kale and spinach), yogurt, oats, chia seeds, bananas… mmmm bananas!
What’s your WHY? Why do you go to work everyday if you don’t like your job? Why do you force yourself to go the gym when qué hueva? Why do you keep eating healthy when Krispy Kreme donuts look so damn good?
I have a WHY or several ones. The philosophy of leaving a mark in the world motivates me. The fact that I wake up at 3 am to get things done makes me feel disciplined and I like people noticing that about me. Also, being vegan, gluten-free and anti-cheat meals reveals -I’m a freak- but also have a strong will power, and I also like that. I consider it to be my superpower. These things may not be enough to make history but I at least want to be remembered as a crazy self-controlled mutant that never let her guard down #terca.
Of course there are days where I do not want to go to cycling or do yoga. I get tired, emotionally drained and just want to stay in bed watching Seinfeld. But then I remember, I always feel better after moving a little. So another WHY I get out of bed everyday to workout is so I can continue to be here for a long time, feeling great and looking like JLO at 50 if possible. Even at 70, I want to be a badass yogi who is still bending and sweating and hand-standing. I want to be here the best way I can. Even when it’s hard and I just want to snuggle in bed with Netflix, I’ll get up and practice yoga at 4am because it fuels me. This meticulous system I have, this WHY I do things is not just for me, it’s also to show others that if I can, you can; that if my body feels good, my mind follows; that if I want to impact positively somehow, this is my way of doing it.
What’s your Why?
“She has been a marketer, a fashion designer, an illustrator, a University teacher, a yoga instructor in Playa del Carmen, what does she want? – De qué se la tira?” Someone once told a friend of mine who told me, about me and my instability. And yeah, I don’t know what I want, but I DO know what I DON’T want, and that’s gotta mean something, right?
How can people decide what to do with their lives at the age of 17? That’s too early to know which profession to choose; I’m 33 and I still don’t know what career I’d pick. Must it be only one? I’m not criticizing, I just don’t get it.
I hate the idea of being attached to ONE single thing; for life! Yes, there are doctors that are also students or teachers or husbands or fathers or racquetball players, but their main area is just Medicine. I can’t stay in just Marketing or just Fashion or Teaching or Yoga. I need more. As a kid I went from dreaming about becoming an actress to archeologist to architect, como mi papá, to painter como Frida, ajá!; then writer; and when I hit the teen years I just vanished and got lost in the way. That’s how I enrolled into Marketing, which of course I loathed and as soon as I got my Bachelor’s Degree I signed up for Fashion Design.
I did that for a while, you know, the «fashion» phase all girls go through; until I got tired of the shallowness and the fancy clothes and labels and make-up. No offense to girls who love all that, but it wasn’t me. So I turned around #fuckthatshit and went for the total opposite: ditched the glam and kept the tan #fromPradatonada. I left a whole life behind and set up for a new one at the Caribbean, no high heels required, just a yoga mat. It was the best thing I ever did.
But even so, I’m not committed to yoga exclusively; I still design and make clothes as a form of self expression; I still work with a cool local brand in Tulum because I want the thrill and the challenges inside the business world; and I still freelance as an illustrator and social media manager because I can exploit my creativity. Is this a sign of instability for you? I think it is a sign of diversity, of keeping my life interesting, of trying new things, of getting out of the routine and allowing myself to live every day differently. And lately I just find myself asking the question: what’s next? I’m excited to find out.
«Don’t live the same day over and over again and call that a life…»
“Pero si eres tan hater, como puedes ser yogi?” …típico.
No soy hater con los demás, sólo conmigo misma; y antes era peor; el yoga me ha salvado, pero no ha sido de la noche a la mañana, es un proceso. Aún queda un largo camino por recorrer, pero sigo en las mismas vías del tren, a mi paso lento. Soy humana, no una santa. Los yogis podemos tener malos ratos también; la cosa es no llevarlos conmigo a clase; no pretendo contagiar a mis alumnos con eso.
Me da risa cuando las personas esperan que los yogis seamos estas personas llenas de luz y felicidad masiva… Dude! We’re all fucked-up that’s why we’re here! La mayoría de los yogis que conozco son igual de malhumorados que yo, just saying. Estamos en constante proceso de mejorarnos.
Hace unos días practiqué yoga al aire libre; y al colocar mi tapete sobre el suelo me le quedé mirando, recordando todos los lugares donde ha estado. Le tengo cierto cariño; a veces siento como si fuese un ser vivo que me brinda consuelo; pues le he hablado, llorado, cantado, dormido, practicado, brincado…. Eso es mucho más de lo que he hecho con la mayoría de las personas que conozco, pues soy reservada y solitaria. (Por gusto!.. así que no lástima, en realidad me agrada estar sola y suelo huir de la interacción con las personas frecuentemente).
Qué curioso es darle vida a objetos inertes; aferrarnos a ellos como si fuesen nuestro salvador en carne y hueso. Es como los tipos que adoran sus autos y disfrutan lavándolos y arreglándolos #mipapá; e incluso les ponen nombre. Hace tiempo conocí a un convertible ’72 azul cielo llamado Frank; y tengo que aceptar que es guapísimo. Mi bicicleta se llama Minerva por cierto.
Esto va más allá de las niñas que convierten a sus muñecas en amigas o de los niños que no sueltan a su frazada sin importar cuán sucia se encuentre. Esto es real: Personas que buscan una conexión tan grande y especial con algo que ningún otro humano puede darles. ¿O es que no le damos la oportunidad a nadie de demostrarnos que pueden consolarnos de tal manera?
Sea lo que sea, a mi tapete no lo cambio por nada. Lo he traído del tingo al tango y me sigue sin quejarse. Cada vez que lo desenrollo y coloco; es el mismo; siempre fiel y dispuesto a darme lo que necesito. Es mi “safe place”, mi consuelo, mi instrumento, mi espacio de práctica, mi cama, mi terapeuta, mi felicidad, mi amigo. I love you Matty.